Thursday, May 8, 2014

"You'll never know how much I miss you."

GLENDA-  A Mother's Day haiku

Your eyes full of love,
burn into the minds of five.
Warm our hearts from inside.

     Among her many loves, music is what burned into my souls memory of Mom. She suffered tremendously at the end of her life. She surrendered to a painful, hard fought battle with cancer the day after my 12th birthday. The morning of her death, preparing to leave for school, as part of our routine since kindergarten she was slathered with good-bye kisses,  " I love you, Mommy."  Walking away, naively believing she would be waiting for my 3:15 pm return to rehash a days adventure, a door closed. A door closed forever. Even though the memory of that twenty-four hours lives on in every cell of my body, it has been refused a power to negate or lessen all the profoundly beautiful moments we bonded as mother and daughter. Being one of her five children, my memories are shared with my sisters and brothers and yet they are distinctly my own. Our perception will never be another persons reality. Our perception is exactly that, ours. No two people will ever experience an event or tell a story in exactly the same way. It's what makes our lives our own extraordinary journey. And for the record, Les, Laurie, Steve and Dave;  Mom always loved me most. (wink). 

     Songs, harmony, melody, lyrics, her voice, the way she moved and swayed when she danced has been seared into my mind. To this day, when one of these cherished songs is heard on the radio or captured online, the floodgates of memory break open wide. During my childhood music constantly played on the stereo, car radio, TV and record players. The soundtrack of Mom's life was downloaded to my brain over twelve years. For this blog there were numerous coveted songs and artists to choose from but the achingly loving sentiment and gorgeous voice of Johnny Mathis says it all. Mom adored him so I grew up loving his music too. She introduced me to The Stylistics, Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Led Zepplin, Eric Clapton, The Beatles, Elton John, Sonny and Cher, The Fifth Dimension, Mac Davis, and countless other musicians and performers. She had a crush on Bee Gees front man, Barry Gibb. One of the last songs that really touched her heart was, "How Deep is Your Love".

      "You'll Never Know" goes out to my brothers and sisters and especially to all children who have lost their mothers far too young. Life is just a moment in Time. You can't change events from the past. You can't go back. You can't live there either. Acceptance of the past allows you to move forward and live in the present. The greatest gift you can give your mother is to live a happy, peaceful, loving life in the present moment. Be here now

                                                                                      With love and peace always,