Thursday, October 17, 2013

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
― Roald Dahl (author Charlie and the Chocolate Factory )
Want to prevent streams of toilet paper hanging in your oak trees, smashed pumpkins in the driveway, farm fresh eggs splashed on the windshield of your Toyota or bags of flaming dog poo on your front steps? Now I'm about as far from emulating Martha Stewart as Lady Gaga but it's real simple to curtail nasty tricks on October 31st. Just be aware of what little merry pranksters crave most on All Hallows Eve. 
  Warning: If you're contemplating passing out something lame like apples, boxes of raisins, toothbrushes or homemade popcorn balls you will find them hiding in your rose bushes the next morning. Last year due to lack of careful pre-planning you got away with cleverly flinging Ludens cherry cough drops into open candy sacks -or worse you turned off your porch light and crouched in the darkness with a flashlight and your confused dog. "... but the doorbell keeps ringing... it's my job to bark. Damn it!"
 Luckily, you still have plenty of time before the greedy neighborhood monsters arrive. Be prepared this year. Are you willing to risk a lawn full of lush Ultra-Soft Charmin? Follow this real simple "tricks or treats" survival guide. Children will love you and you won't be held hostage for two hours in your own home. Here is your arsenal.
 Compiled from over five years of intensive survey data ranging from school polls, radio stations and children's educational websites here are the TOP TEN BEST and  TOP TEN WORST  treats to pass out on Halloween.
10. Twizzlers
9. Skittles
8. Nerds 
7. M&M's
6. Twix candy bars
5. Hershey's Miniature candy bars
4. Snickers bars
3. Baby Ruth candy bars
2.  Kit Kat's
1. Reese's Peanutbutter Cups
10. hard pink bubblegum (i.e Bazooka or gumballs )
9. homemade cookies or baked goods (Halloween is not about all the love you baked into each treat. Kids just want some chocolate!)
8. candy corn (no explanation necessary)
7. hard candy or peppermints (leftovers from last year?)
6. Tootsie Rolls
5. granola bars (not even in California)
4. jelly beans (just don't)
3. York Peppermint Patties (treat is too sophisticated for children, only parents eat these.)
2. fruit of any kind (One night a year. Let your kid live a little!)
1. stickers, pencils or anything not EDIBLE (Were you even a child? Why not give them rocks?)